The ex-JPMorgan & UBS trader helping men through divorce: "It's not a case of winning"

If you're a solitary single man in London this bank holiday weekend and are on your own after a divorce, you could always go to Clapham Common on Sunday. Not for a walk or to hang around the bushes, but to meet Photis Kassianides, a former trader who's now an accredited counsellor and divorce coach working with men in financial services.

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Kassianides spent nearly three decades in trading, working everywhere from UBS to JPMorgan and Jefferies. In June 2025 he set up Emotional Equity Coaching to help men after divorce and separation. "It's very difficult for men," he says. "I had a great friendship group and supportive extended family, but I still struggled."

Kassianides got divorced from his wife of 20 years in 2019. He had a son aged eight and a daughter aged 11. "I was a senior sales trader and was trying to hold down a new job," he says. "I know what it's like to go through it." In the wake of the divorce, a lot of the struggle came from missing his children. 

For a lot of men in financial services, Kassianides says separation and divorce come as a complete surprise. "You have a five to ten year plan. You go to work, you pay for the private schooling, the house, three nice holidays a year and cars. You think you are doing your bit and suddenly it gets blown up. It's very difficult."  

Men in banks are often very focused on "powering through" and being a provider, says Kassianides, but they don't always notice the cues that their partners are unhappy. "People are often caught completely unaware," he says. "Their partner will turn around and say, 'You haven't been present and we don't need you.'" 

He helps his clients process what went wrong. As they rake over the coals, Kassianides says there are often signs the relationship was fracturing. In some cases, his clients' wives had said explicitly that they were unhappy and had been ignored. In others, there are smaller indications - wives who previously complained about being neglected stopped objecting and didn't seem to notice absences.  

Even if male bankers and traders have been travelling often and frequently absent, Kassianides says the disintegration of a family can hit them hard. "It's like a bereavement," he says. "There's a loss of confidence and a loss of identity, with a combination of anger, guilt, fear, shame, regret and loneliness." Living alone without the children is hard.

Kassianides coaches his clients to prevent a spiral into poor mental and physical health: "It's about going to the gym, eating well and getting into good sleep patterns." 

He also coaches them to put their children first. "My own divorce happened just before my daughter changed school and she said to me, 'Great timing, dad,'" he recalls. "I was very conscious that they were about to be teenagers and would remember how I'd behaved." 

It's easy for people from a highly competitive industry to think that a successful divorce is about winning against a former spouse. Kassianides says this is the wrong way to go about things. "People become antagonistic and competitive and lose track of the damage being done to the children." He counsels his clients to take a step back before responding to things: "Don't send that text or email, or at least send it to me first."  

Kassianides is holding his first walk and talk for men, most of whom are likely to be from the City, starting from Clapham Common's Windmill pub at 11am this Sunday. There's no charge. "It's for anyone who wants to get out and have a chat with other men," he says. "I know how much I could have done with something like this when I was getting divorced, and how much getting out, moving and talking still helps me now."

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